@na Blog - Blog Posts

In a way, I'm really scared losing weight will make me look more feminine (because I always used to have broad shoulders and I have now clue what my face will look like once all the fat is finally off)

So I'm hoping that I can lose as much weight as possible on my hips, thighs and lower belly, because once I'll be able to just wear any pants without them looking ridiculous because they're either way too large or make me look curvy and more like a woman, I'll look more like a guy/androgynous, right? Right???

That's so hypothetically speaking I need to lock the fuck in first

But I'm so excited for when I'll finally have a flat chest

I binged the second day in a row and I feel fucking awful

I really hate myself and I can never fucking let this happen again

Like yeah, eating more in the weekends is one thing, it's not ideal, but Ig eating maintenance for a day or two is fine

BUT NOT FUCKING STUFFING MYSELF UNTIL MY STOMACH HURTS

I hate, hate, hate myself

I'm going to get my height measured tomorrow

I always use a number I think is lower than I actually am when calculating my BMI and such, but at this point, I don't know my real height, but I'm pretty sure it's higher than I think it is at the moment, anyway. Because my shorter friends say they're as tall as me in numbers, but, well, I am definitely physically taller, so.... yeah, Ig I hope for the best lol

I just fucking binged and I hate myself

I stopped counting at some point but I must have definitely gone over 2000 calories and honestly, my day is ruined

I got a day off school today and it started off fine, I made plans and all and wouldn't have gone over my limit had I just stuck to them

But I had a weigh in and lost over 2 kg, and at some point I lost motivation to study and started eating and procrastinating...

Does that happen to anyone else?

I feel like such a fat stupid loser

How tf can I avoid binging on the weekends guys?? Pls send tips

Fuck it, Dad actually bought me the weed protein bar let's fucking go

Was looking for protein bars today and there was one with weed

Also a guy had a monster energy t shirt and I fucking need that

Was looking for protein bars today and there was one with weed

Also a guy had a monster energy t shirt and I fucking need that

Why eat food, anyway, when I can have Monster?

Powerwalking around the schoolyard because my friends want to play Volleyball

(I look like a fucking weird loner but at least I'm getting in my steps)

I look a little different each day and at this pointy I have no clue what I really look like

Family is going out to eat with me shit-

What kind of rewards do y'all get yourselves when you hit a gw?

And do you have suggestions for small things I could get, not always clothes, which are not too pricey?

I just want to sit next to the field leaning on her on a cool summer evening with a slight breeze allowing for light jackets and the music, chatter and light of the party we escaped from somewhere in the distance.

I want to hold her hand and taste the evening air and finally LIVE

Imagining, craving all that is so painful knowing I'm fat, thinking that all of the romance will be taken from that moment when all I can feel is myself jiggling as a fat blob next to her

I don't want feeling fat to overshadow what could be so many beautiful moments, because my body has taken so many of these from me

I just want to feel comfortable taking off my jacket to drape it around her shoulders instead of using it to cover my thighs and belly

That's the true reason I've got to be skinny until summer, heck, now, as soon as possible.

Saturdays are always bad for me food wise

Not only do I have to eat at least two of the meals my family cook, but then I'm also at home most of the time and around food, and that becomes especially difficult when I have work to do I don't particularly enjoy.

I feel so fucking pathetic for this though but I'll have to find something that works for me, somehow.

Can't decide if I actually wanna weigh myself again or not

Cuz I really don't want to get disappointed

Binging on safe foods is literally the worst :(

Just let me enjoy my protein bars please

I just had the most intense ed nightmare.

I was in the living room just practicing some sort of gymnastic exercise - idk why I don't do gymnastics - and my parents had friends over and they just kept talking about how much weight they were losing and how much better they felt now that they're skinny. I got angrier and sadder and at some point I kinda snapped and yelled, "You guys know I'm still here as well?" and they kind of laughed and my Mom just have me really pitiful look and then told the entire group that she hoped that I would have at least one summer during which I'll feel skinny and confident. Like. What. And then she called me fat and insecure and I just scrambled to the bathroom crying trying to find my blades.

It took me a hot minute after waking up to realize that didn't actually happen.

Wtf honestly

Everything I got from the store today! I ended up not getting too much because I reconsidered my budget, but here it is! They didn't have my usual protein bar flavours so I decided to try these new ones, and I haven't tried on of these monsters as well. I just like to amass safe foods and look at them it makes me happy honestly lol

I'm going to the store after school today yay :D

I think I'm just going to buy some protein bars and sf energy drinks and gum... I may buy some corn/rice cakes as well and look for new safe foods in general, if I have time... Man, I haven't been shopping like this in a while and I'm more excited than grocery shopping probblably justifies to be lol

Any suggestions on what else I could look for?

Hello!

I'm E. I kind of got a lot of interests and then none at all, but my hobbies are music (especially Cello and singing), art sometimes, science, movies and shows, Hermitcraft and my ed.

It's what I'll be posting about mainly, so dni if you aren't fine with seeing content about eating disorders. I'll probably talk about self harm as well.

By the way, my languages are English and German, so even though I'd say I'm relatively fluent in English, errors can still happen, soooo do be forgiving I guess :)

This is a shitty intro post and I might update it later, but I'm lazy af so who knows if that'll actually ever happen.

Always looking for mutuals! :D

Stats below cut

Height: 173 cm (5.8ft)

Hw/Sw: 70.4kg (155lbs)

Cw: 65.6kg (144lbs)

Gw: 65.0kg (143lbs)

Gw: 60.0kg (132lbs)

Gw: 55.5kg (122lbs)

Gw: 50.0kg (110lbs)

Let me know if I messed up with the imperial units lol