Quick Lesson Y’all

Anybody out here who has a fitbit and would like to make some step contests there? :)

“The hunger to be thin became more than the hunger within.”

Tw!!!!!

Self harm

So this evening, i felt the urge to self harm when my parents made me feel like shit BUT instead of cutting myself like i wanted to, i went for a run and enjoyed a warm shower after that :)

I am so happy because to me, it is always a huge problem to resist the urge to self harm :)

Diet Change!

So, this is the diet I was initially going to follow:

However, 300&400 calories are just too low for me. I had 300 calories today and I ended up binging (and purging), as it always happens when I eat under 500 calories.

However, the first 5 days of the diet were very good. Based on the first week of that diet, I have come up with this one:

I ate and worked out like this last week and I lost 1kg (2.2lbs) and 1cm on my thighs. So, from now on, I’ll just repeat this diet weekly until school starts.

Since I don’t like starting a diet in the middle of the week, I’ll start tomorrow (Wednesday) on day 3, with 900 calories. I’m already one week into the challenges, so I’ll just keep doing them.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to stick to this one, because school is closer and closer. Only 32 days to go. If I get to 53.5kgs by September 10th, I will be the happiest person ever, because that’s been my gw for sooo long. Ugw is 51 or 50, but I know I realistically can’t lose that much until my deadline.

SW: 57.5kgs

GW: 53.5kgs

Before and afters are so motivational.

Sooo

At the moment, i am almost back at my highest weight. I used to feel horrible about that and somehow, i still do.

On friday, i binged and felt totally unmotivated, i thought that i just fucked up another day

However, on Friday evening, i decided to save the day. i ran a half marathon even though nobody believed that i could Do it (well, i believed in myself at some point, but neither my family nor my friends, except for one, thought that i could do it).

I am amazed by what my body is able to do if i fuel it properly.

This is why i will now try to stop obsessing over my enormous thighs and start training, challenging and improving my body rather than wanting a lower number on the scale

Idk if this makes any sense, just wanted to vent lol

Anyone else out here who has an ed but is obsessed with the 'that girl trend?

If there is someone, message me if you want to be friends and motivate each other to work out, eat small & cute portions and work out :)

I HATE my father so much

He is so commanding and controlling. He only does whatever he pleases to do and not a single thing more. He is truly convinced that his opinion is the only acceptable one and simply starts shouting whenever a minor thing doesnt go the way he wants it to

I hate him so so much

I’ve never been the first choice

I’ve never been one of the popular girls

I’ve never been invited to all the parties

I’ve never been a ‘goal’ anything

I’ve never been liked

But

trust me

Once I reach my goal, you’ll all see

How beautiful I’ve become

How much of a ‘goal’ I am

How everyone will like me

How I will be the first choice

How much I’ve changed

But

that won’t happen as long as

I choose the sweets over my stomach

I grab the cake without thinking about my thighs

I eat the junk food not giving any thought visible collarbones or dainty fingers

I continue stuffing myself not thinking about my body

I eat like this

But

If I stopped now

If I restricted

If I controlled my own urges

If I lose weight

I will get there

Trust me.

I just went to the doctor because i need some blood tests to be done

They were struggeling to get blood out of my arm, they had to try various different needles

I had to bite my tongue because i just wanted to suggest to slit my wrists open to get my blood flowing

Wtf is wrong with me