who has a total ban from the kitchen, a partial ban and who is allowed?
(writing a fic, its a passing line but im stucked bc im getting second thoughts every time i place a character in a category, thank you very much)
Alfred, by default
Dick, because he canonically can cook
Luke, because he buys the best ingredients
Bette, because she's hardly ever there
Kate, because she doesn't care enough to use it
Barbara, because she can work the smart fridge
Cullen, because he needs it emotionally
Duke, because he hasn't done anything yet
Jason, if he doesn't order takeout and claim credit for making it like he would in canon
Helena, if she doesn't launch into a food history lecture
Damian, if he needs a vegetarian snack
Steph, if she doesn't openly one-up Alfred's waffles
Carrie, if she doesn't recreate the candy spaghetti from Elf
Harper, to fix the oven
Cass, for her mega-pie
Tim, for telling his friends to help themselves
Bruce, to comply with the Geneva Conventions
Selina, because her food is great but she uses Ivy's mutant produce
Dick, to the Titans: OK this is my little brother, everyone has to be so nice to him!
Jason, 6'4, built like a double fridge and holding a gun: Hey.
The Titans:
Years later.
Dick, to the Titans again: OK this is my even littler brother, everyone be super super nice to him!
Duke, 6'2, built like a linebacker and lit up like a glo stick: Yo.
The Titans:
Years after that.
Dick, again, to the Titans: OK this is my littlest baby brother, everyone has to be so sweet to him! He's a baby!
Damian, 18 and 6'0, made of pure muscle and holding a sword: Greetings.
The Titans: ...where are you finding these brothers.
things that make Gotham criminals say “oh shit”:
Batman showing up to the hideout and not asking any questions
Nightwing cracking his escrima sticks together with 0 witty banter or foreplay
Red Hood when his hands are shaking
Injured Robin and Batman known to be in near proximity 
Any sightings of Batman on Robin II’s death anniversary
Superman in Gotham without an escort
Batman speeding through the Narrows on a motorcycle and not the Batmobile
Red Hood abandoning his guns and throwing punches instead
Robin fighting with a sword and 0 supervision
Jim Gordon trying to quit cigarettes for the 19th time on the night shift
Any captured Batkid too injured/tired/frightened to taunt the responsible criminals
Batman bleeding and/or missing any major parts of his armor
Any Bat vigilante other than Duke outside during daylight hours
A Robin’s most important weapon is the ability to cry on command -
the second most important weapon is to sic dad on whatever villain made his precious child cry 😢
Robin!Dick: Hi Ivy!
Poison Ivy: Hi... young child. Stand over there, away from the giant rose.
Robin!Dick stepped away from the rose while staring at it mesmerized.
Robin!Dick: Can I-
Batman: I will take you home.
Robin!Dick pouted and walked off grumbling.
Ivy: He's adorable, if I didn't hate people I'd keep him. Okay, so run it back, you want me to stop my mission to protect mother earth and you were like "that's wrong for you to do". Continue with being wrong.
Batman: I should not have to explain to you how your mission to save the earth doesn't benefit people. It's destructive.
Ivy: Why? Because some people might die? A few dead bodies are worth it for saving the planet.
Robin!Dick (shocked): What?! You're killing people to do this?
Ivy: Yes... A few dead bodies are worth- Why is his face sad?
Robin!Dick (trying not cry): That's so mean.
Batman (glaring at Ivy): Now you've upset him.
Ivy (indignant): All right last I checked, the earth is dying, I'm just being honest kid. What do you want me to say? I'm not destroying the Earth, big corporations pumping out microplastics, pouring random crap in the lakes, Nestle... JUST NESTLE! They're screwing this planet like she's a two dollar hooker! I stopped eating their chocolate bars after the founder said water shouldn't be given to everybody!
Robin!Dick (shocked): Did he actually say that?
Ivy (calm): Basically he implied water shouldn't have free access because Nestle is the biggest proprietor of bottled water and no amount of explaining will ever fix the fact he said that! So whatever you're about to say, Batman, I do not want to hear it! They’re destroying ecosystems, hunting endangered species, killing crops and-
Robin!Dick (interrupting): Hold up, that's all she's trying to fix?
Robin!Dick turns to Batman.
Batman: She's not doing it in logical way.
Robin!Dick: She's a green woman who can control plants! Does she look like she wants to use our logic? No offense by the way, Ivy.
Ivy: You're fine, I love my body.
Robin!Dick (confused why they're fighting her): Why don't we help her, Batman? Has she asked for your help?
Batman (sheepish): Um... It's been brought up in the past.
Robin!Dick: Then why haven't you?
Ivy: Yeah, Batman, that so mean.
Batman: Because... She's a criminal and will let people die for the cause.
Robin!Dick: Well I mean if it's that nestle guy I don't... Don't necessarily blame her and I've seen you beat the ever loving shit out a lot of bad guys.
Batman: Language.
Robin!Dick (loud): The context needed the word. I love you Batman, I do, but let's be real you steal police information and beat up thugs. You have not paid the commissioner back for the fire hydrant incident. I'm sorry, but you break a lot of laws. You say you're doing it to save lives, so is she! Most are plant lives, but I get it. We would be arrested too, but we're lucky, she's not... it's not right.
Ivy (sincere): Thanks kid.
Robin!Dick: You're welcome and plus in any other city, we'd be going to prison. You'd be, I'd be tossed into an orphanage and that... That's not fun.
Ivy: A lot of kids in the system have been abused, he's got a point.
Batman (annoyed): Why are you arguing with me, Robin?
Robin!Dick: Because dang it, she might have a point! We can help her to a degree... In fact isn't the building we're in is being sued for what they did to a lake? All those ducks died.
Ivy (adding): Nothing can grow there for decades.
Robin!Dick: Yeah, the ecosystem is destroyed there.
Batman (yelling): Why are you ganging up on me?
Robin and Ivy: Because you know it's wrong!
Robin!Dick: You have told me you became Batman because the system is flawed and sometimes matters need to be taken into your own hands? How is she different?
Ivy: Okay... you're growing on me. Here, take a rose.
Ivy used her powers to hand the young hero a rose.
Robin (smiling and taking the rose): Aww, thank you.
Batman groaned then yanked Robin by the ear.
Batman: Excuse me, I have to talk to him in private!
Ivy: Aww, I'm starting to like the kid, go easy on him. He's smart, he knows what he's talking about.
Robin!Dick (being dragged out): Thank you, Ivy.
Ten minutes after the two argue, Batman comes to a compromise with his son and Ivy because he knows that Dick would absolutely not mind sabotaging factories or causing a fire with a supervillain to protect the planet. All he needs is a good reason.
Batman (driving them home in the batmobile): Could you not defend the actions of the bad guy in front of me next time?
Robin!Dick (eating McDonald's fries): Don't take me to one who has a point.
---------------------------------------
Batman searched for Robin after taking down Joker.
Batman: Robin? Where did he go?
Joker (laying on the ground as Batman presses his shoe on his back): One of my goons went after him.
Meanwhile Robin does flips, tricks and runs around the room while giggling as the goon chases after him.
Goon: Little boy, little boy stop running!
Robin ran, but when the goon tried to grab him, the young hero grabbed his hand and clamped down with his teeth making contact with the mans hand. The goon screamed in pain.
Batman: He's down the hall.
Joker: There's no... Guarantee he'll win.
Robin kicked the goon in the crotch and ran off.
Goon (weakly): Right in the kiwis.
Robin!Dick: Batman, I got the last one!
Batman: Good job, Robin.
Joker: I hate your child soldier.
Batman: Thank you, I raised him well.
---------------------------------------
Talia Al Ghul (to Batman): You-
Robin!Dick: You're out of his league.
Talia: What?
Robin!Dick: I'm just saying, it's obvious you have this stalker obsession with him, 'love' you like to call it, but Batman could do way better than you.
Batman chuckled covering his mouth.
Talia: Okay, I was telling him to stop his 'no-kill' rule and join the league, but also he wants me and some snot nosed brat won't have a say in any possible relationship!
Robin!Dick: Well, I'm 13 now and even I can see you shouldn't be together. Not even on a league level, but like come on, why would you get with a guy who doesn't want you or to be on your team? That's sad.
Talia (irate): You think I won't smack a teenager? I don't give a fuck!
Batman (disturbingly calm): Touch him and you'll wake up in the hospital.
Inspired by this post
Imagine for me please Gothamites mocking Batman because sure he’s their ‘savior’ and all, but he’s also one of them and it’s been a few years since he’s become Batman so he’s well known and just- Batman: *growling* go home! Teenager:… gO hOmE~ like what are you? My dad? Batman:… Teenager:… I’m kidding please don’t adopt me - Batman: I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman. Gothamite: ~I aM vEngeAnCE~ like do you practice that in the mirror? Batman:… - Batman: don’t sell drugs to students Drug dealer: doN’T sElL dRuGs tO stUdeNtS- please as if you didn’t need drugs to live in college Batman:… Batman:… just… not too much Drug dealer: *scoffs* of course not dude I don’t want them overdosing we need more smart people who don’t want to kill everyone- plus if they die I lose a customer Batman:… good to know
Teenager: *walking home from school, drops books* Batman: *watching from a nearby roof* damn that sucks Teenager:... Batman: Teenager: *grumbles as they bend down to grab stuff* Batman: stay in school! Teenager: *flips him off* ~ Visitor from Metropolis: ugh omggg this city is soooo grosss! its because none of you have superman! all you have is that wannabe furry Batman! Gothamite:... *looks up and spots Batman* yeah you right Batman: fuck you! Gothamite: *grins and flips him off* Batman: *leaves* Gothamite: *beats the shit out of the Metropolian for saying something as blasphemous as that* ~ Gotham citizen: ugh i got my hair all done and no one notice- Batman: *from above* ohhh emmm GGGGG that sucksssss Citizen:.... Batman: :) Gothamite:.. no one asked you you furry black hotpocket Batman: :( ~
Boy has horrific bloody gruesome nightmare and wakes up in a cold sweat, begrudgingly seeks comfort in father. What happens next is shocking!!!!
The biggest omission is that they were not shown at the wedding of Hiccup and Astrid, even as a cameo. Hello? Heather is her best friend.
Bruce: *gets the notification of an attack 2 hours too late because of Hood’s hacking*
Bruce: *rushes to the Titan’s Tower, scared that Tim’s dead*
Bruce: *runs into the Tower’s living room and shouts with a breaking voice*
Bruce: Robin? ROBIN?! Where are you?!
Tim: *excitedly dashes into the room with a plate of cookies*
Tim: Look, B! We made cookies! Try them!
Bruce: *confused af, tries one*
Bruce: They… taste like Jason’s…
Bruce: *ready to burst into tears*
Tim: That’s because we made them together. Duh!
Jason: *waltzes in without helmet or mask but in full gear*
Jason: Well, Baby Bird, that’s it for today. Next bird sitting session will cost ya, old man!
Jason: *zetas away with a cheeky smirk*
Tim: Bruce, can I have another playdate with Jay?
Bruce: *Bruce.exe stopped working*
Jim Gordon meets ... Batman and Robin. The Dynamic Duo. The Best of the Best.
Batman & Robin: Year One (2024) #1 by Mark Waid and Chris Samnee
I love your amnesia incident au! May I ask what is Soundwave's reaction towards this incident?
thanks mate!!
so like uhh
scenario time guys
if he was gonna go spy on the Autobots specifically their base (which is where the two DUMBASSES are right now) he'd be kinda baffled that he sees their damn leader with them yeah?
but with him being the "eyes and ears of the decepticons" he could see that his optics are bloody BLUE now, and he acts more like a follower than a leader if you know what I mean
then Soundwave sees that it's Megatronus, but not the courageous and confident gladiator we know him as, because right now it's D-16
I feel like he would want to go see him, but like you know his visor face recorded EVERYTHING then he goes back to the Nemesis shows Starshet the crap and stuffnstuff
so yeah THIS IS JUST A SCENARIO but i feel like its what would happen