Just To Throw This Out There

you know that feeling when you leave your Spotify playlist alone for a few weeks and suddenly you hate every song on there

no because where did all these fictives come from did my brain give up on making guys

as an alter human deer alter we can confirm this is true

plural system who keeps splitting into more deer alters: I feel like a million bucks

i love my headmates!!! >:D - 🌙 Lunar

as someone who has been told that their trauma isn’t ’bad enough’ or real by a psychologist, i want to reassure you that your feelings about traumatic memories you may have are valid. the therapist we’re with now supports us and listens to us and our feelings.

after our interaction with that therapist, including several negative events that affected and worsened our mental state, we grew to believe we were delusional, crazy, and a liar. we were terrified to speak to anyone about it because we feared they would call us liars.

it took us months to gather up courage to talk about anything regarding the topic again with a new therapist. it’s honestly terrifying talking about this right now- but we’re working on getting back our progress again, despite our setbacks and the challenges we experienced.

find a therapist who supports and listens to you- preferably one specializing in dissociative disorders and trauma work- not one who fake-claims you because you aren’t extremely overt and because your trauma seems outlandish or unreal. DID is a covert disorder by nature. just because you don’t seem like you have it on the outside, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. in fact, that’s what it’s supposed to do. it takes several months if not years to even get a diagnosis- because of how difficult it is to pinpoint.

a journey to diagnosis is difficult, even if you have the money for it because of the stigma against DID, OSDD variants, and UDDS, and it takes extreme persistence, some may not even want a diagnosis because people will treat them differently for it- negatively. But, no matter what, your feelings are valid. Your experiences are valid. Your coping mechanisms are valid. If you experience it, it’s real. Even if it’s not in a specifically endorsed label.

Only YOU truly know what you experience. Nobody can tell you what you are supposed to experience.

Common things in DID that no one likes to talk about

- switches that feel like you’re turning into someone else rather than them taking control (non-possessive switching)

- being unable to recognize amnesia until something requires you to remember something you forgot

- staying in the front for weeks at a time

- being unable to communicate with alters internally (this is so common why does everyone act like this is weird?)

- feeling like you don’t have any problems because you feel disconnected from them

- constant denial

- rapid identity, label, and appearance changes

- comorbidities, particularly personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and the schizophrenia spectrum

- autism (there is science pointing towards autistic people being more susceptible to trauma)

- disliking your system

- wanting final fusion

Traumagenic and endogenic headmates aren't enemies by the way. Sometimes they play Minecraft together. Sometimes they hold hands. Sometimes they kiss. Sometimes they cover work shifts or school for each other. Sometimes even within the same system. This goes for disordered and nondisordered systems too btw.

daily amnesia in DID is something i don't see talked about that much, i see regular amnesia (ie not being able to remember years of your life, traumatic memories etc) talked about but never the daily things.

daily amnesia is on a day to day basis never being able to remember important things, did i take my medicine this morning? did i shower yesterday? have i eaten yet? what have i been doing for the past hour? what was i supposed to do today?

daily amnesia REALLY fucking sucks because whenever you start suffering you remember every other time you've been suffering and just scold yourself for not getting help and not getting better - but when the moment it's over? it's completely gone from your memory. it's so much suffering and you're so stuck because how can you ever get help for something you can't remember? you're always in a constant state of 'feeling fine' and when you end up getting help and going to therapy there's nothing to talk about because there's nothing you remember.

every day is groundhog day where you are forced against your will to repeat it over and over for god knows how long.

caretaker casually revealing they’re a bear is not something i put on my 2025 system bingo card