@n@ Tips - Blog Posts

I hate when my stomach sticks out a little because I'm girl and I have a uterus 🤬🤬🤬🤬

I just did the second pics because I LOVE THIS SHIRT SM IT MAKES ME LOOK THINNER 😝😝😝😝

tw bodycheck at the bottom (I look kinda fat bruh 🙁)

the urge to slit my wrists is insane ngl but I kinda wanna make one of these my pfp which one should I do??? I hate vertical pics so much they make my face look so long 😭

random outfits 😝 tw for talking about Ed stuff under it tho

that is a actual wedding dress lol

I need to find better places to take pictures omg

I had the best vacation but I can't wait to eat less again 😭😭 it's so weird to eat 3 meals a day

does anyone else just want to purge? I just really want to at random times and it's really hard not to 😕

Can't wait to lose weight 💕

y'all I'm literally so clever for thinking of that omg 😝

this is literally the most basic fit on earth but whatever 😓

also I don't actually have a thigh gap I'm just doing the thing where I lean forward lol

why does my face look so weird 😭

i hate how different my thighs look when I sit down vs standing up

IT LOOKS DECIVINGLY LIKE I ALMOST HAVE A THIGH GAP BUT THEN WHEN I SIT DOWN THEY RUB TOGETHER AND ITS SO BADDDDDDD

I wish I was thinspo worthy lol

i would die for the pretty aesthetic pics (I tried when I looked good and I sucked lol)

🙁🙁🙁

I like genuinely am so bad at taking pictures even when I look cute

btw I gained weight so my thighs belly (AND BUTT THO) got bigger lol

YALL IF YOU WANT TO BE TRIGGERED GO WAYCH ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD OMFG

there's some hippies in it and they are all like so so pretty AND thin omg I just like to look at thinspo pictures I think they're just so nice but they just give me a vague feeling of want BUT THIS MOVIE MOTIVATED ME LIKE HELL 😭😭😭😭

idk why the pose is weird but like the outfits are bomb in the movie too

It's true that you shouldn't stay in the "fuck it, whatever" mindset after a binge - food-wise, anyway. You most of the time can't make up for binges - physically, again. But you can stay out of the "my day is ruined and I'll wallow in self-pity for the rest of it" been there, done that.

But honestly? That's NEVER worth it. So why not make use of the energy - and not by working out or trying to make up for it, because that's not gonna happen and because it doesn't work, you'll feel even more it was a bad day. No, try to do homework, a creative project, sit down for video games or movies, whatever. Something to distract you and that makes you still think by the end of the day, that even if you binged, you had a great or productive time and so that you can end it on a good note.

I get that it's difficult, but chances are high that due to this disorder, you neglect other thing which were once important to you - so see that as a way to make up for that, even make up for the binge in a different way if you want, but make it feel like you still spent your time with something positive, that wasn't for nothing by the end of it.

My lunch :)

Total: 155

(2x corncakes - 50; 7g Pesto - 23; 84g cottage cheese - 77; 12g frozen berries - 6)

Basically leftovers lol. Tasted okay and at least I'm full now - and don't mind the bowl please. It's cringe but it has a pig face and so whenever I finished eating that's what's staring back at me as a reminder looool not funny Ik

Still at my Grandma's... And I fucked up. Usually when I'm here, I either do really well or straight up binge, and it's appears that this time, I do both. Yesterday, I did really well actually but today was horrible. To be fair, no one in my family ate "normally" today, it's the ore-Easter shit, but I mean, they're not disordered, so I feel even more like a faker rn 😭

It's Easter tomorrow and I'm really scared. I'm feeling motivated to do well, but my family wants to go out for lunch tomorrow. I'll just get something from the kids's menu, skip breakfast and only eat a small dinner with my family if I can't avoid it.

And I really have to work on my steps! I feel awful for neglecting them, but I have a really important school project I need to work on... It feels like am excuse, but logically, it really isn't.

I mean, the day after tomorrow my Dad and I will leave already again, and the rest of the fam will stay with my grandma still, andy Dad will leave too after a few days, so my other sister and I will be home alone for a couple days at the end of the holiday s, which is great, since she doesn't really like me and won't force me to eat with her or something. Maybe she'll expect me to cook, because she's prepping for some exams, but that's fine Ig. I mean, I'm kinda planning to fast, but I'll also have to work on that school project, and I'll have to plan my eating depending on how much brain power I'll need then lol. So I have to finish as much of the project as I can now so that I'll be fine fasting/doing high res then.

Bruh why is this post so loong

I'm fat why am I still fat

Oh it's cuz I eat food like the fucking fat ass I am I fucking hate food and I need to be skinnyyyyyyyy

No better feeling than finally being locked in again after binging for days

I can't believe I keep throwing this feeling away when it's literally the best thing ever and nothing, truly NOTHING feels good about binging, because I don't even enjoy the food I eat when I do and even if I did in my head I'd be screaming at me to stop but most of the times I can't

It's one of the worst experience s in my opinion, whereas restricting does have a couple downsides but they don't outweigh (heh) how good it feels

Dad announced we'd barbecue later 😬

Wish me luck please

"If you lose some weight you'll fit into that!"

-My 10 year old sister to me as we were looking for outfits to wear at a special event

Like... bitch. But you're right. And no, you weren't "just kidding". It's fine. It's fine. It's FUCKING FINE.

Just gonna do some red paintings on my legs later is all. It's fine.

Just tried that light green/paradise monster and it reminds of me those apple gummy bears I used to eat as a kid? Idk it's just kinda sweet and not my favourite but I think it's definitely drinkable

I mean it for sure makes me kinda nostalgic - I mean these gummy bears made me (among sooo many other things) a fatty little kid and then I got bullied and then there were Mom and Grandma's comments and you know how the story goes lol.

Yeah... the good ol' days

(The more I'm sipping in that monster rn though the more I like it so I guess 7/10???) lol no one asked for a monster review yet here I am

(Can you tell I'm fucking bored?)

I binged the FIFTH FUCKING DAY IN A ROW.

Holy shit. I feel so ashamed for even typing this and I don't know how or why I could let that happen. And I could've restricted so easily, too, yesterday and today because my parents were at work and I was home alone with my siblings, but NOOO I had to fucking...

I haven't even weighed myself but I'm sure it's going to be awful when I do, especially since I've been doing so well before (I've lost a lot of weight and haven't binged for a relatively long time). I've probably ruined all the progress of the past weeks.

I'm going to fucking change now. I don't think today can be saved honestly, even if I at least counted most of my calories and compared to the other days, it wasn't as bad, but I'm still going to get in my steps and then I'll be fucking DONE with binging. Thankfully, we'll soon visit my Grandma and on travel days I can fast usually, so I'm going to absolutely use that as sort of catalyst for finally locking in again, but of course I'm going to start RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

I can't go back to school after Easter break having gained like 5kg or something, not when we have so many swimming classes atm and all my friends were calling me skinny and complimenting my waist. I still have a week and a half to lock in and lose weight and I'm going to use it.

In the second week, only my sister and I will be home for a couple of days and maybe I'll even try to fast through all of them (depending on how much school work I'll have left to do then)

So yeah, sorry for rambling but I do feel slightly better now because of it

I just wanted to work out, but when I started the headache I was having all day just got so bad I almost cried holy shit how do I get rid of that?

Now I WOULD definitely OMAD a bottle of wine

I thought I WANTED a proper balanced meal filling me up, getting rid of the headache and dizziness and giving me energy.

Turns out all I NEEDED was some coffee and a sf Monster

edtblr has taught me more about nutrition than my biology class ever could

I hate my body more than I like food.

Soooo these busy days I mentioned are over and I have in fact reached my lowest weight since summer! It's probably not that impressive but I am incredibly happy still. (And yes, I am in fact absolutely drained but I did have fun, I'm just so tired now 🥲)

Now I have this Sunday to get through, then a week of school when restricting will be easy of course, but then I'll have two weeks off due to Eastern....

I guess I'll really have to bury myself in work and exercise then and not give myself the chance to eat anything besides the meals I'll have to eat with my family.

Breakfast I should always be able to skip, dinner too I could say I take to my room to eat there because of school work or something, and then lunch I'll just have to always help preparing so I know exactly what we'll eat and so I can make at least my serving lower in calories.

Maybe I'll also have to resort to the sad Pinterest ana meals with half a cucumber and egg whites, because my parents don't seem to know an awful lot about nutrition, and as long as I eat anything they tend to not raise an eyebrow.

(No hate on these kind of meals, they're really a game changer, but since I tend to do OMAD and a small snack, I just really like to make my meals more colorful and more interesting)

I'll also have more time to exercise, then I know of two days on which I can fast, because we'll be travelling to my Grandma, and for a couple of days only my Dad and I will be home, and I have a feeling that will make not eating/eating low-cal meals even easier.

(Partly because the chance someone is going to be in the kitchen when I want to measure out my food will be lower lol)

The next few days are going to be incredibly busy for me, but that's awesome because I'll literally won't have time to eat :D

I'm not going to try and fast though, because I will need the energy

It started today with me having to stay at school until 6pm (🥲) because of choir practice, tomorrow I'll have to leave almost right after school to play at a concert (I know I'll barely have time to change and maybe practice the pieces one last time)

And on Saturday I'll have singing stuff from 8am to 4pm

Both crying and laughing right now because I know I'll be DRAINED when all this is over, but I won't be around my parents to watch me eat, I won't be at home with all the binge food and I'll probably be to busy to even think about eating anything, hopefully

As I mentioned though, I will be having dinner, because it's the only time I'll be around my parents and I will really need that energy

a friend told me I'm one of the skinniest people she knows

I don't know if she meant it though, so I'm feeling really conflicted about it, because for one, I want to feel incredibly happy about it, but then I know what my scale says, and what my thighs look like... But maybe she was just talking about my waist.

The not-eating after my class was cooking went well yesterday, the teacher was so busy, she didn't even pay attention to me

Now that but four more times to go still 🥲

My class will go on a one week sailing trip in summer, so we're practicing what we'll cook and stuff, starting tomorrow - and I'm so scared. There's no way I'll eat at school, and even though it's kind of established between my friends and I that I just won't eat, what should I tell my teachers or other class mates if they ask?

I could go to the bathroom for a while once it's eating time, but what other things are there?

Please give some kind of advice guys 🥲

Maybe locking in starts with simply logging my calories on my app, instead of trying to pretend it didn't happen or "it wasn't that bad".

Yes, I binged, yes, I feel like a piece of shit but I can always draw the line.

I may gain weight today, but I can stay determined during the week and make a realistic plan for the weekend and actually stick to it.

I shouldn't deny my mistakes or wallow in self pity, but rather use them as a reminder what I am actually fighting for and what kind of behaviours even made me (partly) start doing this in the first place, and I can learn from my mistakes. Honestly I'm motivated to take on this week, even if I completely fucked up this weekend, or maybe especially because of that.