3ating D1sorder - Blog Posts

No better feeling than finally being locked in again after binging for days

I can't believe I keep throwing this feeling away when it's literally the best thing ever and nothing, truly NOTHING feels good about binging, because I don't even enjoy the food I eat when I do and even if I did in my head I'd be screaming at me to stop but most of the times I can't

It's one of the worst experience s in my opinion, whereas restricting does have a couple downsides but they don't outweigh (heh) how good it feels

Dad announced we'd barbecue later 😬

Wish me luck please

"If you lose some weight you'll fit into that!"

-My 10 year old sister to me as we were looking for outfits to wear at a special event

Like... bitch. But you're right. And no, you weren't "just kidding". It's fine. It's fine. It's FUCKING FINE.

Just gonna do some red paintings on my legs later is all. It's fine.

Just tried that light green/paradise monster and it reminds of me those apple gummy bears I used to eat as a kid? Idk it's just kinda sweet and not my favourite but I think it's definitely drinkable

I mean it for sure makes me kinda nostalgic - I mean these gummy bears made me (among sooo many other things) a fatty little kid and then I got bullied and then there were Mom and Grandma's comments and you know how the story goes lol.

Yeah... the good ol' days

(The more I'm sipping in that monster rn though the more I like it so I guess 7/10???) lol no one asked for a monster review yet here I am

(Can you tell I'm fucking bored?)

I binged the FIFTH FUCKING DAY IN A ROW.

Holy shit. I feel so ashamed for even typing this and I don't know how or why I could let that happen. And I could've restricted so easily, too, yesterday and today because my parents were at work and I was home alone with my siblings, but NOOO I had to fucking...

I haven't even weighed myself but I'm sure it's going to be awful when I do, especially since I've been doing so well before (I've lost a lot of weight and haven't binged for a relatively long time). I've probably ruined all the progress of the past weeks.

I'm going to fucking change now. I don't think today can be saved honestly, even if I at least counted most of my calories and compared to the other days, it wasn't as bad, but I'm still going to get in my steps and then I'll be fucking DONE with binging. Thankfully, we'll soon visit my Grandma and on travel days I can fast usually, so I'm going to absolutely use that as sort of catalyst for finally locking in again, but of course I'm going to start RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

I can't go back to school after Easter break having gained like 5kg or something, not when we have so many swimming classes atm and all my friends were calling me skinny and complimenting my waist. I still have a week and a half to lock in and lose weight and I'm going to use it.

In the second week, only my sister and I will be home for a couple of days and maybe I'll even try to fast through all of them (depending on how much school work I'll have left to do then)

So yeah, sorry for rambling but I do feel slightly better now because of it

I just wanted to work out, but when I started the headache I was having all day just got so bad I almost cried holy shit how do I get rid of that?

I'm okay eating with my family, even if I prefer to be by myself. But I fucking hate eating around others, even with friends it's difficult. So I'm fucking enraged that my sister's stupid boyfriend - who I absolutely hate, anyway - keeps eating with us. I like neither my sister nor him and them makes it so difficult because they always have me sit next to either of them.

I fucking hate myself guys

It's the start of Easter break now and like any rational person I ditched all my plans and binged the first day and today as well

If I skip dinner and work out though I can probably do at least some kind of damage control (because I've eaten about 2000 calories now which is really fucking awful) and I can get my steps in as well... I'm just so disappointed in myself, because I was prepared for having my intake be a bit higher during the holidays, because sometimes when I have to eat with my family it just can't be avoided, but not like this, seriously

Anyway, looking forward I guess because I've already fucked shit up I can't change anyway 🥲

Now I WOULD definitely OMAD a bottle of wine

I thought I WANTED a proper balanced meal filling me up, getting rid of the headache and dizziness and giving me energy.

Turns out all I NEEDED was some coffee and a sf Monster

edtblr has taught me more about nutrition than my biology class ever could

I hate my body more than I like food.

My food scale's batteries went empty and I don't think we have the right ones at home so I can't change them right away 😭

What am I supposed to doooo now I just wanna count my cals

Soooo these busy days I mentioned are over and I have in fact reached my lowest weight since summer! It's probably not that impressive but I am incredibly happy still. (And yes, I am in fact absolutely drained but I did have fun, I'm just so tired now 🥲)

Now I have this Sunday to get through, then a week of school when restricting will be easy of course, but then I'll have two weeks off due to Eastern....

I guess I'll really have to bury myself in work and exercise then and not give myself the chance to eat anything besides the meals I'll have to eat with my family.

Breakfast I should always be able to skip, dinner too I could say I take to my room to eat there because of school work or something, and then lunch I'll just have to always help preparing so I know exactly what we'll eat and so I can make at least my serving lower in calories.

Maybe I'll also have to resort to the sad Pinterest ana meals with half a cucumber and egg whites, because my parents don't seem to know an awful lot about nutrition, and as long as I eat anything they tend to not raise an eyebrow.

(No hate on these kind of meals, they're really a game changer, but since I tend to do OMAD and a small snack, I just really like to make my meals more colorful and more interesting)

I'll also have more time to exercise, then I know of two days on which I can fast, because we'll be travelling to my Grandma, and for a couple of days only my Dad and I will be home, and I have a feeling that will make not eating/eating low-cal meals even easier.

(Partly because the chance someone is going to be in the kitchen when I want to measure out my food will be lower lol)

The next few days are going to be incredibly busy for me, but that's awesome because I'll literally won't have time to eat :D

I'm not going to try and fast though, because I will need the energy

It started today with me having to stay at school until 6pm (🥲) because of choir practice, tomorrow I'll have to leave almost right after school to play at a concert (I know I'll barely have time to change and maybe practice the pieces one last time)

And on Saturday I'll have singing stuff from 8am to 4pm

Both crying and laughing right now because I know I'll be DRAINED when all this is over, but I won't be around my parents to watch me eat, I won't be at home with all the binge food and I'll probably be to busy to even think about eating anything, hopefully

As I mentioned though, I will be having dinner, because it's the only time I'll be around my parents and I will really need that energy

So, I tend to make self-deprecating jokes (I try not to, but sometimes when I feel especially bad they do slip out a lot)

But when I was about to make one, my one friend just told me (I can't tell if she was annoyed or rather angry, to be honest) to "quit with these fucking jokes" and yeah. I get my friends are done with me, but that still almost made me cry

a friend told me I'm one of the skinniest people she knows

I don't know if she meant it though, so I'm feeling really conflicted about it, because for one, I want to feel incredibly happy about it, but then I know what my scale says, and what my thighs look like... But maybe she was just talking about my waist.

My class will go on a one week sailing trip in summer, so we're practicing what we'll cook and stuff, starting tomorrow - and I'm so scared. There's no way I'll eat at school, and even though it's kind of established between my friends and I that I just won't eat, what should I tell my teachers or other class mates if they ask?

I could go to the bathroom for a while once it's eating time, but what other things are there?

Please give some kind of advice guys 🥲

Guys im so angry, because I just ate a protein bar as I always do a little while before eating dinner with my family (so I feel more full and won't stuff myself) and then headed off to orchestra practice but then my mom called after me to take my keys with me because...... My parents won't be there this evening.

Meaning I could've easily fasted until tomorrow evening but noo I had to eat that stupid protein bar.

It's fine; I can just run the calories off but it'll still be that I have eaten when I could've stayed hungry 🥲

Meanspo?

Don't need that, my siblings made me in the Sims, realistically 😃🔫

Sooo I did successfully get around eating my Dad's birthday cake, because my entire family kind if overslept and I said I'd take a piece to school with me since I'm in such a rush

Yeah, I'm obviously not gonna eat it, but I'm so happy I got around it 😅

Hello!

I'm E. I kind of got a lot of interests and then none at all, but my hobbies are music (especially Cello and singing), art sometimes, science, movies and shows, Hermitcraft and my ed.

It's what I'll be posting about mainly, so dni if you aren't fine with seeing content about eating disorders. I'll probably talk about self harm as well.

By the way, my languages are English and German, so even though I'd say I'm relatively fluent in English, errors can still happen, soooo do be forgiving I guess :)

This is a shitty intro post and I might update it later, but I'm lazy af so who knows if that'll actually ever happen.

Always looking for mutuals! :D

Stats below cut

Height: 173 cm (5.8ft)

Hw/Sw: 70.4kg (155lbs)

Cw: 65.6kg (144lbs)

Gw: 65.0kg (143lbs)

Gw: 60.0kg (132lbs)

Gw: 55.5kg (122lbs)

Gw: 50.0kg (110lbs)

Let me know if I messed up with the imperial units lol

my first meal of the day lmao

i also ate a kinder pinguin which my friend forced me to eat </3

Still stuck on my lw :/

I guess I am just not gonna eat till the scale changes numbers.

I need to treat food as a fuel not as a comfort.

Food is there to keep me alive not to taste good.

I can’t believe I am so bad at this!

More than three years of restricting, cal counting and p/urging for the most normal ass physic and a minimum weight loss.

I hate it so much!

Just found out about this girl, who also has 4n4. she is 18 and 37kg.

I am so fucking jealous!

I know I’m not big, but am I in danger of flying away by wind? 🌬️

( Then you better stop calling me skinny )

Is my blog making it worse for people?

Are minor seeing what I post and get triggered?

I have been thinking about it and it’s now my nightmare.

When I made my account I just wanted a safe space to talk about my 3d and my thoughts. Now I feel guilty that I may be a bad influence!

I don’t need a normal appearance.

I don’t need a standard weight.

I don’t need an ideal physique.

I need to look sick and dead.

I need to be underweight.

I need to be skin and bones.