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My food scale's batteries went empty and I don't think we have the right ones at home so I can't change them right away 😭
What am I supposed to doooo now I just wanna count my cals
Soooo these busy days I mentioned are over and I have in fact reached my lowest weight since summer! It's probably not that impressive but I am incredibly happy still. (And yes, I am in fact absolutely drained but I did have fun, I'm just so tired now 🥲)
Now I have this Sunday to get through, then a week of school when restricting will be easy of course, but then I'll have two weeks off due to Eastern....
I guess I'll really have to bury myself in work and exercise then and not give myself the chance to eat anything besides the meals I'll have to eat with my family.
Breakfast I should always be able to skip, dinner too I could say I take to my room to eat there because of school work or something, and then lunch I'll just have to always help preparing so I know exactly what we'll eat and so I can make at least my serving lower in calories.
Maybe I'll also have to resort to the sad Pinterest ana meals with half a cucumber and egg whites, because my parents don't seem to know an awful lot about nutrition, and as long as I eat anything they tend to not raise an eyebrow.
(No hate on these kind of meals, they're really a game changer, but since I tend to do OMAD and a small snack, I just really like to make my meals more colorful and more interesting)
I'll also have more time to exercise, then I know of two days on which I can fast, because we'll be travelling to my Grandma, and for a couple of days only my Dad and I will be home, and I have a feeling that will make not eating/eating low-cal meals even easier.
(Partly because the chance someone is going to be in the kitchen when I want to measure out my food will be lower lol)
The next few days are going to be incredibly busy for me, but that's awesome because I'll literally won't have time to eat :D
I'm not going to try and fast though, because I will need the energy
It started today with me having to stay at school until 6pm (🥲) because of choir practice, tomorrow I'll have to leave almost right after school to play at a concert (I know I'll barely have time to change and maybe practice the pieces one last time)
And on Saturday I'll have singing stuff from 8am to 4pm
Both crying and laughing right now because I know I'll be DRAINED when all this is over, but I won't be around my parents to watch me eat, I won't be at home with all the binge food and I'll probably be to busy to even think about eating anything, hopefully
As I mentioned though, I will be having dinner, because it's the only time I'll be around my parents and I will really need that energy
So, I tend to make self-deprecating jokes (I try not to, but sometimes when I feel especially bad they do slip out a lot)
But when I was about to make one, my one friend just told me (I can't tell if she was annoyed or rather angry, to be honest) to "quit with these fucking jokes" and yeah. I get my friends are done with me, but that still almost made me cry
a friend told me I'm one of the skinniest people she knows
I don't know if she meant it though, so I'm feeling really conflicted about it, because for one, I want to feel incredibly happy about it, but then I know what my scale says, and what my thighs look like... But maybe she was just talking about my waist.
The not-eating after my class was cooking went well yesterday, the teacher was so busy, she didn't even pay attention to me
Now that but four more times to go still 🥲
My class will go on a one week sailing trip in summer, so we're practicing what we'll cook and stuff, starting tomorrow - and I'm so scared. There's no way I'll eat at school, and even though it's kind of established between my friends and I that I just won't eat, what should I tell my teachers or other class mates if they ask?
I could go to the bathroom for a while once it's eating time, but what other things are there?
Please give some kind of advice guys 🥲
Guys im so angry, because I just ate a protein bar as I always do a little while before eating dinner with my family (so I feel more full and won't stuff myself) and then headed off to orchestra practice but then my mom called after me to take my keys with me because...... My parents won't be there this evening.
Meaning I could've easily fasted until tomorrow evening but noo I had to eat that stupid protein bar.
It's fine; I can just run the calories off but it'll still be that I have eaten when I could've stayed hungry 🥲
I can't believe I was actually considering thinking about thinking to consider recovery, when my siblings apparently see me the way they do - and if all it took was that and a good scroll through Tumblr then I guess I really wouldn't be ready at all
Meanspo?
Don't need that, my siblings made me in the Sims, realistically 😃🔫
I'm so torn between wanting to move out and get as sick as possible living alone and wanting to be recovered by then.
Because the ed part of me has been waiting for that since I first developed it, but then I actually want to make it in life, maybe I'll be studying physics or chemistry and I'll NEED brain power for that, and I can't keep thinking about food 24/7 then, I know it'll likely never fully go away and at the moment, I'm not even trying to get better, but I just don't know what to do
I don't think I want to recover yet - let alone that I would be able to right now - but I know that at some point I'll have to if I ever want to be more than I am right now
Could someone please give me some kind of advice 🥹
I'm so upset right now, because I've planned out every food I was going to eat for the day and it's been going so well, but now my parents insist they make something for the entire family to eat for dinner, and even if it's soup (and slightly lower in calories than what I would've had otherwise) I'm really quite angry I couldn't follow through with my plan :(
Also, I have no way to count the calories of what my parents cook and that makes it scary no matter what it is, but hey- they're making just soup
Maybe locking in starts with simply logging my calories on my app, instead of trying to pretend it didn't happen or "it wasn't that bad".
Yes, I binged, yes, I feel like a piece of shit but I can always draw the line.
I may gain weight today, but I can stay determined during the week and make a realistic plan for the weekend and actually stick to it.
I shouldn't deny my mistakes or wallow in self pity, but rather use them as a reminder what I am actually fighting for and what kind of behaviours even made me (partly) start doing this in the first place, and I can learn from my mistakes. Honestly I'm motivated to take on this week, even if I completely fucked up this weekend, or maybe especially because of that.
In a way, I'm really scared losing weight will make me look more feminine (because I always used to have broad shoulders and I have now clue what my face will look like once all the fat is finally off)
So I'm hoping that I can lose as much weight as possible on my hips, thighs and lower belly, because once I'll be able to just wear any pants without them looking ridiculous because they're either way too large or make me look curvy and more like a woman, I'll look more like a guy/androgynous, right? Right???
That's so hypothetically speaking I need to lock the fuck in first
But I'm so excited for when I'll finally have a flat chest
I binged the second day in a row and I feel fucking awful
I really hate myself and I can never fucking let this happen again
Like yeah, eating more in the weekends is one thing, it's not ideal, but Ig eating maintenance for a day or two is fine
BUT NOT FUCKING STUFFING MYSELF UNTIL MY STOMACH HURTS
I hate, hate, hate myself
I'm going to get my height measured tomorrow
I always use a number I think is lower than I actually am when calculating my BMI and such, but at this point, I don't know my real height, but I'm pretty sure it's higher than I think it is at the moment, anyway. Because my shorter friends say they're as tall as me in numbers, but, well, I am definitely physically taller, so.... yeah, Ig I hope for the best lol
I just fucking binged and I hate myself
I stopped counting at some point but I must have definitely gone over 2000 calories and honestly, my day is ruined
I got a day off school today and it started off fine, I made plans and all and wouldn't have gone over my limit had I just stuck to them
But I had a weigh in and lost over 2 kg, and at some point I lost motivation to study and started eating and procrastinating...
Does that happen to anyone else?
I feel like such a fat stupid loser
How tf can I avoid binging on the weekends guys?? Pls send tips
Fuck it, Dad actually bought me the weed protein bar let's fucking go
Was looking for protein bars today and there was one with weed
Also a guy had a monster energy t shirt and I fucking need that
Was looking for protein bars today and there was one with weed
Also a guy had a monster energy t shirt and I fucking need that
What kind of rewards do y'all get yourselves when you hit a gw?
And do you have suggestions for small things I could get, not always clothes, which are not too pricey?
I just want to sit next to the field leaning on her on a cool summer evening with a slight breeze allowing for light jackets and the music, chatter and light of the party we escaped from somewhere in the distance.
I want to hold her hand and taste the evening air and finally LIVE
Imagining, craving all that is so painful knowing I'm fat, thinking that all of the romance will be taken from that moment when all I can feel is myself jiggling as a fat blob next to her
I don't want feeling fat to overshadow what could be so many beautiful moments, because my body has taken so many of these from me
I just want to feel comfortable taking off my jacket to drape it around her shoulders instead of using it to cover my thighs and belly
That's the true reason I've got to be skinny until summer, heck, now, as soon as possible.
Saturdays are always bad for me food wise
Not only do I have to eat at least two of the meals my family cook, but then I'm also at home most of the time and around food, and that becomes especially difficult when I have work to do I don't particularly enjoy.
I feel so fucking pathetic for this though but I'll have to find something that works for me, somehow.